Connection: Life and Complaints

You can always tell how well your life is going by your individual daily complaints. As humans, we need stress even if it has to be created. Now of course, everyone’s feelings are valid and all that blahblahblah.
I’ve always got a kick out of the smallest things people can turn into major issues when there are no actual major issues for them to worry about. Especially when I was going through one shit-storm after another- nothing slayed me like someone saying something along the lines of “My BluRay player won’t fast forward and if I pause the video, it starts from the beginning!” Or, “I can’t get myself to eat the fruits and vegetables that I need to!” Or, “I have a headache from drinking coffee and opting to not eat anything.” And let’s not forget the The World Revolves Around Me complaints regarding traffic, weather, events, etc.

Lets backtrack: I was basically homeless for a while, without a job, and in back to back horrible living situations with even worse roommates. My complaints were stuff like “I have rats in my house”, “My cat has fleas which is making her so sick, I think she might be dying.” & “I don’t know if I’ll be eating tomorrow or have a roof over my head next month.”
I now am renting a room from an awesome person with no pests, I have a great job, and my cat is as playful as a kitten… My biggest complaint these days? “I’ve been COOKING all of my meals, everyday! I’m too tired to enjoy them by the time I sit down.” Aww poor thing, right? Haha. So here’s to hoping that I can continue living the ‘dramatized little issues’ life with my perspective of knowing how silly it is- because good God, it is nice.

Manners Matter

Has anyone noticed how a lot of people seem to offer their help to others with ulterior motives… Give with non-disclosed fine print? It can be anything… A slice of pizza, handful of M&Ms, assisting with a move for no charge, a couch to crash on, a job (non employer), etc. Accepting the offer somehow leads to first world slavery. You’re indebted to this person in their mind. Instead of politely asking you for a favor or food or whatever it may be, they’re directing you to accommodate their needs. God forbid you say “no”, because then clearly you are ungrateful. There ends up being conditions to the offer, which had they been up front about with you, you would have denied the offer in the first place. Please don’t take my overuse of the word “offer” as repetitive, it’s to emphasize that this help was not asked for to this person, and not applicable to Proverbs 22:7. This is a person who willingly reached out to lend a hand.

I had a guy friend for about eight years. I bought him clothes on a few occasions, paid for both of us at decent priced restaurants more times than I can count, almost every time we hung out (which was nearly everyday) I at least bought us both Wendy’s/McDonald’s/etc. That adds up, especially over 8 years. I also took him on a $1,500 vacation to Orlando.

After all of that, when I went to his house,
I still said “please” and “thank you” for a glass of water.
Because at the end of the day, he never held a gun to my head to get any thing. I didn’t stick around spending money frivolously for 8 years against my will. I was aware of the unevenness in the friendship. We weren’t dating or involved in any way – we just had some good laughs together and I couldn’t motivate myself in starting over with a new friend.

However, after maxing out all of my credit cards, ruining my credit, and emptying my bank account for the friendship only to have him bail once money was low…
I, of course, did learn a lesson from it.

I have a very simple standard for myself and others around me- Don’t GIVE what you can’t afford to NOT have returned, and don’t TAKE what you can’t afford to give back.
“Afford” is not intended in only a financial sense.
It’s also emotional, physical, convenience, etc.

Don’t give someone the illusion that an offer is out of the kindness of your heart and then create a “payment plan” after the fact. Being grateful is important, but their gratitude should not be expected to be shown outside of their capabilities and comfort. Be up front if you’re expecting something in return and what that something is.  So many issues can be avoided with clear and honest communication.

Fuck apologies, I would say “I’m sorry” if I really meant it

Fuck Apologies

For me, JoJo’s got the right idea. You shouldn’t apologize for things you’re not at fault for, over and over. Only manipulative people let you take the blame for their unfavorable actions. You can either play victim, or you can take responsibility for yourself and stop tolerating being mistreated. Life is a choice- Make excuses or make it happen.

New Approach to Bullshit

Often the days get long when you have negative people in your life. After all, misery loves company. When I let them suck me in to feed their need is when I lose myself. Staying positive is key to me and I’m trying a few new tricks, a new approach, to keep myself up. First of all, I already laugh at pretty much everything, but when it comes to an unnecessary argument (typically by someone who doesn’t have the “pick your battles” mentality), I still feel the need to defend myself. Not the case from now on, I choose to laugh and be erratically upbeat until they drop the subject. Escaping- Physically & mentally as much as possible. Once everything that needs to be done is taken care of, escape. Sometimes the annoyances can play over and over in your head, eventually consuming you. Listening to music, daydreaming, or being around people who lift me up is how I need to spend every second of silence. I’m happy that I have enough clarity in life to diagnose and come up with solutions to my own problems. The closer my feet are to the ground, the closer I am to my goals.